Alright yall. So, I've been internet-less for awhile now. So, the only time I get to use and stay on the internet is on the rare occasions when i'm in class or when I can pick up an open connection long enough to do something for a few minutes (like now...shhh don't tell anyone!). I'm hoping i'll be able to get Comcast installed soon.
Anyway, here is a random thought that I wanted to share. I really dislike when people, both men and women, eliminate an entire race (especially of their own race) because of stereotypes. Let me explain. For example, I was reading something from a guy I know saying that he won't date black women because they cause too much drama.What?? This upsets me but not because I am a black woman. It upsets me because I and millions of other black women are being put into this box of being loud and full of drama. But even beyond this scenario, I'm disturbed when I hear women saying that all black men aren't *ish and they will only date men of other races or the Africans who say they can't date Americans because they are lazy and uneducated or people of other religions saying how they would never date Christians because they are all judgmental and hypocritical. There are a ton of examples and they are all ridiculous. People, we have got to do better. Your few experiences with one particular group of people should NEVER be generalized to a whooole population of people. And I say this for every situation and not just dating. I love inter-racial dating and think it is a beautiful thing. However, I do not like it when the reason for the color/ethnicity/racial crossing is for ignorant reasons such as those listed above.Who are you to say that every white man is kind and respectful? Who are you to say that every black woman is loud and full of drama? It's 2010!!! When will we finally see each person as an individual and not as a representative for a whole population of people?
Monday, January 25, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
Haiti
It has been awhile. I know. But I have a very extensive list of things to share with you guys. It's just about finding the time to write it. But bare with me.
Anyway, I want to dedicate this post to talking about Haiti. I didn't hear about the quake until the day after the event happened. It is absolutely devastating to think that 50 -100 thousand people are dead as a result of this quake. That is baffling!! I truly have a problem wrapping my head around that number. We have a fair amount of people at my school that are Haitian and my heart just goes out to them as they try to get in touch with their family members. I can't imagine being in that situation and not knowing the status of the people you love.
I think it is important that we join together to help Haiti during this time. There are many organizations that are accepting financial donations, food, clothing, medical supplies to Haiti. This link features a list of organizations offering aid: . YELE, American Red Cross, and International Rescue Committee are even accepting text donations.
To make an automatic $10 donation to the Red Cross, text "HAITI" to 90999; the money will be charged directly to your cell phone bill.
To donate $5 via your cellphone to Wyclef Jean's grassroots organization: text "Yele" to 501501.
You can text HAITI to 25383 to give $5 to the International Rescue Committee.
Above all, I think something that we can do that doesn't take much effort is to pray for Haiti. I send out a prayer to all of Haiti......May God give them all comfort and strength during this difficult time.
And, as a final note, may we all remember that tomorrow is not promised. Cherish the present and show everyone that you love them today. May God bless us all.
Love you all.
-Bee
Anyway, I want to dedicate this post to talking about Haiti. I didn't hear about the quake until the day after the event happened. It is absolutely devastating to think that 50 -100 thousand people are dead as a result of this quake. That is baffling!! I truly have a problem wrapping my head around that number. We have a fair amount of people at my school that are Haitian and my heart just goes out to them as they try to get in touch with their family members. I can't imagine being in that situation and not knowing the status of the people you love.
I think it is important that we join together to help Haiti during this time. There are many organizations that are accepting financial donations, food, clothing, medical supplies to Haiti. This link features a list of organizations offering aid: . YELE, American Red Cross, and International Rescue Committee are even accepting text donations.
To make an automatic $10 donation to the Red Cross, text "HAITI" to 90999; the money will be charged directly to your cell phone bill.
To donate $5 via your cellphone to Wyclef Jean's grassroots organization: text "Yele" to 501501.
You can text HAITI to 25383 to give $5 to the International Rescue Committee.
Above all, I think something that we can do that doesn't take much effort is to pray for Haiti. I send out a prayer to all of Haiti......May God give them all comfort and strength during this difficult time.
And, as a final note, may we all remember that tomorrow is not promised. Cherish the present and show everyone that you love them today. May God bless us all.
Love you all.
-Bee
Friday, January 8, 2010
Knowing what is in your products
As I've mentioned before, I plan to provide a lot of information about natural hair and general hair care on this blog. So, to get the ball rolling, I'm going to try to cover a couple of major topics in hair care over the next couple of months. I could just jump in and tell you what to use and what not to use, what to do and not to do, and move on. However, I would rather tell you things that will help you to understand why you are choosing one product over the other. Let's get started, shall we?
I want you to take a look at all of the products that you have for your hair. Forget what the commercial says about making your hair longer and 20X stronger. Forget what the bottle says about providing moisture to your thirsty hair. Instead, turn that bottle of shampoo, conditioner, hair grease, leave in, or what have you, over. Get used to doing that. Those long lists of words under "ingredients" actually mean something. They are what really tell you about the product. The first thing that you should realize is that the ingredients are listed in order of quantity. So, the more of an ingredient there is in the product, the higher on the list it will be. Therefore, you should glance over the entire product list, but pay special attention to the first five ingredients, as they are what make up the bulk of the product. What ingredients are you looking for? I'm glad you asked.
Water: The ultimate moisturizer! A moisturizer isn't a true moisturizer if it doesn't have this as the the first ingredient. This is good for conditioners, leave ins, or daily moisturizers to have.
Humectants: These are meant to draw moisture into the hair or skin and help to retain it. Honey, glycerin, propylene glycol,sorbitol, just to name a few, are all humectants. These are good to have in leave in conditioners. Since they enable the retention of moisture, it should be used in a water based product. Also, for you ladies trying to maintain the sleek and straight look (naturals and relaxed), that is probably not the time to draw moisture in the hair (read: from straight--> fro). So avoid them during those special moments when you need your hair to stay straight.
Petrolatum & Mineral Oil: These two ingredients block moisture from getting into the hair. Things with this are better used as sealants (or I prefer not at all), but SHOULD NOT be used as a moisturizer.They do not moisturize! So all of those hair greases that you think are moisturizers? Turn them over, and see how, more than likely, these two ingredients are in the top 5 (or even the first 2). Get rid of them or push them to the side. You will continue to have dry hair if you use these as moisturizers and be left wondering why your hair isn't getting anywhere.
Silicones: also known as cones, are the long list of ingredients that end in -cone. Dimithecone, cyclomethicone, trimethicone, etc. Now, some people will say that silicones are bad and block moisture from the hair. Not entirely true. Silicones can have a lot of benefits (shine, softness, color retention, manageability). The problem is that people tend to use heavy silicone laden products (ie: serums) on a daily basis that build up on the hair shaft and overtime, this results in dry hair. There are different types of silicones, some of which are water soluble and some which aren't. The ones that aren't take several washes to remove (ie: pure dimethicone). Another time when the issue of cones arises is in those people who follow a no poo regimen. For now, I'll say that if you are going to use a silicone product, try to stick to those that are water souble like PEG/PPG manufactured (PEG-modified dimethicone) and dimethicone copolyol. I personally try to avoid cones all together.
Proteins: some products will claim to strengthen your hair but not have one protein in the whole ingredient list! Proteins maintain the strength of your hair. Without it,your hair strands would become weak and susceptible to heavy breakage. The hair shaft is composed of protein. Relaxers break these bonds, making it more important for you to maintain your protein levels if you are relaxed. I will have to do a specific post for proteins later, as there is much more to choosing the correct protein for your hair. But, here are some proteins, just so that you get an idea of what to look for: keratin, wheat protein, milk protein, silk amino acids, collagen, panthenol, biotin, and animal protein. Remember that I said that the higher up the list an ingredient is, the more there is in the product? Keep this in mind for future topics when I talk about moisture protein balance. Proteins are most important to consider when looking at conditioners and daily moisturizers/leave ins.
Detergents: These are cleansing agents found in shampoos. This is another topic that I will go into detail with in the future. For now, know that there are harsh detergents and softer detergents. The most common ones are the sulfates: sodium laureth sulfate, sodium lauryl sulfate, & ammonium lauryl and laureth sulfates. All of these are harsh, rapidly strip the hair of all product buildup as well as moisture, and for the most part, should only be reserved for clarifying and followed by a good deep conditioning treatment (more on these later)....Milder detergents include cocamidopropyl betaine and . For now, look for labels that say SLS free, or sulfate free.
Oils: With the exception of the three oils that have been scientifically proven to be able to penetrate the hair shaft (olive oil, coconut oil, & avocado) to provide conditioning effects (great as pretreatments), oils do not moisturize! When asked what they do for moisturizing, many people say " I oil my hair." No. Oils should be used to seal in the nice moisturizer that you've chosen with water in it! Why is that? Because, if you remember from science class, water and oils don't mix. So by you layering a water based moisturizer with an oil, you're preventing (or at least slowing) the water based product from evaporating from the cuticle shaft.
Butters: many natural butters have special healing, moisturizing, anti-aging, and other properties. There are so many butters: cocoa butter, avocado butter, mango butter,Shea butter,etc. Shea butter, for example, has a lot of fats that make it suitable for staying on the hair shaft. However, it is best served as a sealant, although some people do have luck using strictly shea butter as a moisturizer. I would suggest doing what I do and mixing it with a water based product, or layering it on top of the moisturizer after the oil.
Whew....there you go. Use this as a starter list to assess the things that you currently use in your hair and to make needed modifications. Become knowledgeable about what the products you are buying are doing for your hair and why you are using it. This is one of the essential foundations for healthy hair growth. Don't worry. In no time, you'll be an expert at this!
Happy hair growing!
Bee
I want you to take a look at all of the products that you have for your hair. Forget what the commercial says about making your hair longer and 20X stronger. Forget what the bottle says about providing moisture to your thirsty hair. Instead, turn that bottle of shampoo, conditioner, hair grease, leave in, or what have you, over. Get used to doing that. Those long lists of words under "ingredients" actually mean something. They are what really tell you about the product. The first thing that you should realize is that the ingredients are listed in order of quantity. So, the more of an ingredient there is in the product, the higher on the list it will be. Therefore, you should glance over the entire product list, but pay special attention to the first five ingredients, as they are what make up the bulk of the product. What ingredients are you looking for? I'm glad you asked.
Water: The ultimate moisturizer! A moisturizer isn't a true moisturizer if it doesn't have this as the the first ingredient. This is good for conditioners, leave ins, or daily moisturizers to have.
Humectants: These are meant to draw moisture into the hair or skin and help to retain it. Honey, glycerin, propylene glycol,sorbitol, just to name a few, are all humectants. These are good to have in leave in conditioners. Since they enable the retention of moisture, it should be used in a water based product. Also, for you ladies trying to maintain the sleek and straight look (naturals and relaxed), that is probably not the time to draw moisture in the hair (read: from straight--> fro). So avoid them during those special moments when you need your hair to stay straight.
Petrolatum & Mineral Oil: These two ingredients block moisture from getting into the hair. Things with this are better used as sealants (or I prefer not at all), but SHOULD NOT be used as a moisturizer.They do not moisturize! So all of those hair greases that you think are moisturizers? Turn them over, and see how, more than likely, these two ingredients are in the top 5 (or even the first 2). Get rid of them or push them to the side. You will continue to have dry hair if you use these as moisturizers and be left wondering why your hair isn't getting anywhere.
Silicones: also known as cones, are the long list of ingredients that end in -cone. Dimithecone, cyclomethicone, trimethicone, etc. Now, some people will say that silicones are bad and block moisture from the hair. Not entirely true. Silicones can have a lot of benefits (shine, softness, color retention, manageability). The problem is that people tend to use heavy silicone laden products (ie: serums) on a daily basis that build up on the hair shaft and overtime, this results in dry hair. There are different types of silicones, some of which are water soluble and some which aren't. The ones that aren't take several washes to remove (ie: pure dimethicone). Another time when the issue of cones arises is in those people who follow a no poo regimen. For now, I'll say that if you are going to use a silicone product, try to stick to those that are water souble like PEG/PPG manufactured (PEG-modified dimethicone) and dimethicone copolyol. I personally try to avoid cones all together.
Proteins: some products will claim to strengthen your hair but not have one protein in the whole ingredient list! Proteins maintain the strength of your hair. Without it,your hair strands would become weak and susceptible to heavy breakage. The hair shaft is composed of protein. Relaxers break these bonds, making it more important for you to maintain your protein levels if you are relaxed. I will have to do a specific post for proteins later, as there is much more to choosing the correct protein for your hair. But, here are some proteins, just so that you get an idea of what to look for: keratin, wheat protein, milk protein, silk amino acids, collagen, panthenol, biotin, and animal protein. Remember that I said that the higher up the list an ingredient is, the more there is in the product? Keep this in mind for future topics when I talk about moisture protein balance. Proteins are most important to consider when looking at conditioners and daily moisturizers/leave ins.
Detergents: These are cleansing agents found in shampoos. This is another topic that I will go into detail with in the future. For now, know that there are harsh detergents and softer detergents. The most common ones are the sulfates: sodium laureth sulfate, sodium lauryl sulfate, & ammonium lauryl and laureth sulfates. All of these are harsh, rapidly strip the hair of all product buildup as well as moisture, and for the most part, should only be reserved for clarifying and followed by a good deep conditioning treatment (more on these later)....Milder detergents include cocamidopropyl betaine and . For now, look for labels that say SLS free, or sulfate free.
Oils: With the exception of the three oils that have been scientifically proven to be able to penetrate the hair shaft (olive oil, coconut oil, & avocado) to provide conditioning effects (great as pretreatments), oils do not moisturize! When asked what they do for moisturizing, many people say " I oil my hair." No. Oils should be used to seal in the nice moisturizer that you've chosen with water in it! Why is that? Because, if you remember from science class, water and oils don't mix. So by you layering a water based moisturizer with an oil, you're preventing (or at least slowing) the water based product from evaporating from the cuticle shaft.
Butters: many natural butters have special healing, moisturizing, anti-aging, and other properties. There are so many butters: cocoa butter, avocado butter, mango butter,Shea butter,etc. Shea butter, for example, has a lot of fats that make it suitable for staying on the hair shaft. However, it is best served as a sealant, although some people do have luck using strictly shea butter as a moisturizer. I would suggest doing what I do and mixing it with a water based product, or layering it on top of the moisturizer after the oil.
Whew....there you go. Use this as a starter list to assess the things that you currently use in your hair and to make needed modifications. Become knowledgeable about what the products you are buying are doing for your hair and why you are using it. This is one of the essential foundations for healthy hair growth. Don't worry. In no time, you'll be an expert at this!
Happy hair growing!
Bee
Monday, January 4, 2010
2nd year, 2nd semester, 1st day of class.....
.....and i'm not at school. Why? Because i'm not mentally ready to make space for mental filler overload. My break was soooo short. Depressingly short. 1 1/2 weeks is nothing! I know that I can't run away forever and will probably be returning tonight or early tomorrow morning. But I don't want to go back :-( I don't want to leave my friends and family and I most certainly do not want to play the "how long can you keep your head above water" game. It's sad how much my mood changes when I'm at school. Sigh......well until I return, I will enjoy my last day at home as long as I can!
Sunday, January 3, 2010
My Hairstory: The decision to go natural, 2009, and the future of my hair
After 9 months of transitioning, I did the big chop (BC) on December 27th, 2008. It was a very liberating experience for me. I finally let go of the permed ends that I had been rocking for almost my entire life ( I had absolutely no memory of my hair not being permed. I actually think I might have gotten a perm as early as 2 or 3 smh....i will touch on this topic some other time). My decision to go natural was mainly based on that fact. How can you go your entire life not knowing how the hair that grows out of your head looks?? How can something that is part of you be so taboo? As I saw the beautiful gorgeous heads of natural hair online and around me, I decided that I was done with relaxers. It was as simple as that. I had become interested in hair care and became a DIYer (do it yourself-er) for my relaxed hair for about 2 years,during which I gained renewed health, length, and strength to my hair. But, I wanted to get to know my true texture and not the artificial one that I was creating with each perm. So, I decided that I was no longer going to apply relaxers to my head in March of 2008. OMG. You would have thought that I had committed the ultimate sin by making this decision. The negativity that came with that decision from friends, family, family friends. It was insane. "Whhhhhy in the world would you do that?" "Natural hair is so hard to take care of." "That's crazy!!" "Mmm....Good luck with that!". Someone even had the nerve to imply to me that I wouldn't meet a man with natural hair. You're kidding right??
The mindset that we as black people have taken on about natural hair is.....well....sad to say the least. There is NO reason why people should have so much disdain for something that is a part of us. Anyway, I didn't let the comments bother me at all. In fact, it only increased my determination to go natural. The transitioning process is not only a time to transition physically from relaxed to natural, but also a time to transition mentally. By the time 9 months came, I was over my relaxed ends and snipped my hair off with a big smile on my face. That night I rocked my new fro with pride.
The first year is often an adjustment period to learn about your particular head of hair's needs. Here is what I've learned about mine.
I now know that my texture is 4a/b (mainly very tightly coiled 4a). I have a dense head of hair but with fine strands. Seeing the amount of hair I have, people can often mistake my hair for being coarse and able to deal with a lot of stress. But because my individual strands are so fine, I have to be careful with manipulation especially because one false move will quickly lead to breakage.
My tightly coiled strands tend to wrap around itself (and everything else) to create knots. Therefore, I must keep my hair stretched via braids, twists, bantu knots, etc, to minimize super long detangling sessions and unnecessary breakage. It took me awhile to realize that wash and gos are not my friend for this very reason.
My hair is protein sensitive, becoming dry and brittle at the touch of protein, yet needs occasional light protein because of the delicate nature of my strands. I'm still on a search to find a nice balance for this.
Moisture, moisture, moisture is my friend. Weekly deep conditioning treatments w/ heat and daily moisturizing kept my hair moist. However, I now know that I have to be careful with cones, as my hair doesn't respond well to them. I used to think that my hair didn't like shea butter (a natural girl's supposed best friend), but I've since realized that I can only use it on damp hair and in little amounts for my hair to thrive.Also, multilayered moisturizing helps hair to retain moisture longer.
My hair does best when it is left alone. The less I manipulate it, the better. For this reason, I kept my hair in a lot of protective styles (mainly twists) throughout the year.
I can not rake through my hair (combs or fingers) to detangle. It only creates knots. Therefore, i've learned to separate my hair and pull individual strands up and out of knots, to detangle. After doing this, only then can I use a comb, fingers, or denman as a final detangling step.
Despite a few setbacks that I encountered, mostly due to knots I was able to retain a good amount of my length. I am currently full shoulder length right now. My goal for the end of 2010 is to be full armpit length, inching towards brastrap. This requires me to maintain proper haircare practices and minimize unnecessary breakage and damage. So here is the plan for the year:
1) Continue to do protective styles throughout the majority of the year(twists, braids, buns (hopefully I can do this by the end of this year:), etc.) . Keep hair protected for at least 3 weeks out of each month.
2) Continue weekly deep conditioning treatments w/ heat.
3) Biweekly shampooing w/ ACV rinse every other week. Clarify as needed.
4) Find a good protein conditioner that works for my hair and incorporate into my regimen as needed.
5) Find a great moisturizer. My current products are good but could be better.
6) Continue minimizing heat usage. I went the whole year without using heat except for one time with a blow drying. I'd like to continue to use minimal heat. However, I would like to straighten my hair for the first time this year.
7) Trim off single stranded knots as needed, but most of all, prevent them from arising by keeping my ends tucked and moisturized.
8) Finally, I want to keep it simple. Less is more.
I truly love my natural hair. I don't regret the decision to go natural and truly, don't anticipate being relaxed again. I look forward to my 2010 hairstory.
~Bee
Friday, January 1, 2010
2010: Goals & Plans
FYI: This will be a long post! I have a lot to change in the new year:)
Welcome 2010!!! I can't believe a whole decade has gone by! Remember the Y2K scare with everyone stalking up on food and thinking everything was going to go haywire or that the world was going to end just because it was the millennium? Or better yet, remember how in all of those older movies, the 2000's were supposed to be the year where all that futuristic stuff happened? Where's my flying car and oh so fashionable silver space looking outfit??? lol
I brought in the New Year at church with my brother and sister last night. Despite our plans to make it into the main sanctuary, we knew it wasn't going to happen when the line waiting for doors to open wrapped around the building....sigh. Nothing beats the feeling of actually being in the sanctuary during a New Year's service so we were a little disappointed. However, the pastor gave a good sermon. He started the 5 part series called Creating MySpace: Creating Margin in Our Lives. The premise of this series is that we, as a people, live in a world where many of us carry a bigger load than our limit allows (thus not allowing ourselves a margin: the space between our load and our limits). This results in struggles, feelings of depression, frustration,sickness, financial instability, and most of all, putting off things that are most important in our lives (ie: family, friends, ourselves, and even God). He goes on to look at bible passage Mathew 11: 28-30 which says 28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." This was used to show us 2 important things. First, it shows us that God wants us to 1) Seek Him 2) Serve Him and 3) Be like a student and learn from Him. But more importantly, it shows us what Jesus' yoke is not: a suffocating strain on our lives. WE are the ones who load those yoke's onto our backs. WE are the one's who bare more than we can handle for the sake of not disappointing or better yet, trying to impress or compete with others. But why? For our Lord tells us how He knows our limits and will not give us more than we can handle. So then, why do WE choose to constantly exceed our limits, wear a yoke that Jesus didn't make for us, and then pray to Him and tell Him that He said that He wouldn't give us more than we can bear. Well, yes. But the issue, as my pastor sited, is that He doesn't give us these things. More often than not, we are the ones seeking out the ways to look good and outshine. The reason can be genuine, for example, wanting to give our children a better life than we had or growing up a certain way, and wanting to live completely opposite of that. Well that's fine and all. But, with these choices, we must realize that they are self inflicted, and the burdens that come with them isn't necessarily what God wanted for us, but what we chose for ourselves. We must take responsibility for these things, realize our limits, and pray for God to reveal to us what He doesn't want us to shoulder, and the hardest part, the courage to remove it from our lives.
As I sat listening to this sermon, I thought about the loads in my life and my ever disappearing margin. I've been tired, frustrated, physically sick, and quite frankly, borderline depressed over the life that I've been living over the past year. I feel as though the important things in my life have suffered for the sake of school; something that I have griped about for some time now. So the one and only resolution I have for this year: MAKE TIME FOR THE IMPORTANT THINGS IN MY LIFE!!! and for me, the number one thing is God! My pastor made a good point yesterday, asking how many times does God try to call us and speak to us, but He gets the busy signal? I have been guilty of that and I am not proud of it. So this year I want to resolve to get through the bible in a year, have at least a memory verse a week, have some daily meditation time with Him, and have church time every Sunday (online or actual church; I guess I should add, trying to find a church home in NJ). Also important to me are my family and friends. I truly do love them and I'd like to spend more time with them or at least speak to them some more. Doctor's always tell us how choosing to go through medicine is a sacrifice and that there will be things that we miss and how everyone must understand that, blah blah blah. This is the part of medicine that I do not like and I simply can't be content with. I'm not happy with it now and I never will be. And I am absolutely determined to not let medicine be the thing that separates me from everything that I love. That means God, friends, family, and activities! I love reading! I love cooking! I love dancing! I love singing! I love writing! I love laughing! I love counseling people through their problems! I love....being me!.....and somehow I feel that the "me" in me is disappearing......and this year, I'd like to find her again.
Welcome 2010!!! I can't believe a whole decade has gone by! Remember the Y2K scare with everyone stalking up on food and thinking everything was going to go haywire or that the world was going to end just because it was the millennium? Or better yet, remember how in all of those older movies, the 2000's were supposed to be the year where all that futuristic stuff happened? Where's my flying car and oh so fashionable silver space looking outfit??? lol
I brought in the New Year at church with my brother and sister last night. Despite our plans to make it into the main sanctuary, we knew it wasn't going to happen when the line waiting for doors to open wrapped around the building....sigh. Nothing beats the feeling of actually being in the sanctuary during a New Year's service so we were a little disappointed. However, the pastor gave a good sermon. He started the 5 part series called Creating MySpace: Creating Margin in Our Lives. The premise of this series is that we, as a people, live in a world where many of us carry a bigger load than our limit allows (thus not allowing ourselves a margin: the space between our load and our limits). This results in struggles, feelings of depression, frustration,sickness, financial instability, and most of all, putting off things that are most important in our lives (ie: family, friends, ourselves, and even God). He goes on to look at bible passage Mathew 11: 28-30 which says 28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." This was used to show us 2 important things. First, it shows us that God wants us to 1) Seek Him 2) Serve Him and 3) Be like a student and learn from Him. But more importantly, it shows us what Jesus' yoke is not: a suffocating strain on our lives. WE are the ones who load those yoke's onto our backs. WE are the one's who bare more than we can handle for the sake of not disappointing or better yet, trying to impress or compete with others. But why? For our Lord tells us how He knows our limits and will not give us more than we can handle. So then, why do WE choose to constantly exceed our limits, wear a yoke that Jesus didn't make for us, and then pray to Him and tell Him that He said that He wouldn't give us more than we can bear. Well, yes. But the issue, as my pastor sited, is that He doesn't give us these things. More often than not, we are the ones seeking out the ways to look good and outshine. The reason can be genuine, for example, wanting to give our children a better life than we had or growing up a certain way, and wanting to live completely opposite of that. Well that's fine and all. But, with these choices, we must realize that they are self inflicted, and the burdens that come with them isn't necessarily what God wanted for us, but what we chose for ourselves. We must take responsibility for these things, realize our limits, and pray for God to reveal to us what He doesn't want us to shoulder, and the hardest part, the courage to remove it from our lives.
As I sat listening to this sermon, I thought about the loads in my life and my ever disappearing margin. I've been tired, frustrated, physically sick, and quite frankly, borderline depressed over the life that I've been living over the past year. I feel as though the important things in my life have suffered for the sake of school; something that I have griped about for some time now. So the one and only resolution I have for this year: MAKE TIME FOR THE IMPORTANT THINGS IN MY LIFE!!! and for me, the number one thing is God! My pastor made a good point yesterday, asking how many times does God try to call us and speak to us, but He gets the busy signal? I have been guilty of that and I am not proud of it. So this year I want to resolve to get through the bible in a year, have at least a memory verse a week, have some daily meditation time with Him, and have church time every Sunday (online or actual church; I guess I should add, trying to find a church home in NJ). Also important to me are my family and friends. I truly do love them and I'd like to spend more time with them or at least speak to them some more. Doctor's always tell us how choosing to go through medicine is a sacrifice and that there will be things that we miss and how everyone must understand that, blah blah blah. This is the part of medicine that I do not like and I simply can't be content with. I'm not happy with it now and I never will be. And I am absolutely determined to not let medicine be the thing that separates me from everything that I love. That means God, friends, family, and activities! I love reading! I love cooking! I love dancing! I love singing! I love writing! I love laughing! I love counseling people through their problems! I love....being me!.....and somehow I feel that the "me" in me is disappearing......and this year, I'd like to find her again.
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